Identity Crisis

While growing up, my dad was in the Army. We moved alot. I loved it. Some kids really disliked having to move...I loved it. Each move gave me a new chance to reinvent myself. Try something new. I guess I was trying to discover who I really was inside. The problem was that I got really used to doing that, so much so that I'm not really sure I knew who I was outside of my family. This is a problem that plagues me still. Every once in a while, I look at my life and wonder how in the world I became a mom. Like, when did I grow up enough to have these kids who look up to me?? Or should I just ask, when did I grow up?

But it goes deeper than that...in all of my moves I thought I was trying to find myself, when, in actuality, I was just mimicking people around me. I mean I had my own style, but my tastes followed others around me. I never really discovered my own likes and dislikes. I wanted to be accepted so much that I just kind of went along with others.

So, now at this late point in my life, I find myself trying once again to find myself. And to find myself, outside of my identity as Mom. It's tough.

Things I've discovered so far: I love to read, especially mysteries. I love daisies. I love being a mom. I love food, all kinds...I will try anything once. I love the quiet moments when the kids are still asleep and coffee is brewing. I love coffee.

I hope that my kids will grow up knowing themselves and being secure in their thoughts and beliefs. I want them to be able to stand up for themselves and their beliefs. It's taken me a long time to discover who I am right now. I just hope they have an easier time of it than I did.